19 Feb 13 9:27 am SHAH of IRAN
The examined life is worth living
I dunno man. I am sane & I don't lie. Is something bullshit because it doesn't rhyme with your unchallenged adolescent philosophy?
My adolescent agnosticism lasted until I was 40, until I had continual proof of more than what I initially believed. You have a good 15 years to go before your credo gets threatened.
I never thought I would smoke, I smoke. People change. And when people change they experience life differently. You just might stay in a youthful form & not attempt to open the doors of perception to allow mysticism in. If that happens, you will live in your world, I in mine. Two very different realities, connected by portals such as this. Portals such as this would be valuable opportunities to breach the distance two people are separated by the philosophy & manner they live which allows different but parallel life spectrums to touch.
I know what I know to be true, I also have an understanding that your value system hasn't been tested so you remain in your teen world, & I know that existence to be true too; you however have no concept that there are many different realities, subsets of a varied life experience, & hold true to your own limited mock life.
On Valentines Day I ate dinner with the cousin of the last Shah of Iran. I carried on about the latest trip to the mental hospital depreciating & what brought me in this time. I kept using the word mental patient, & crazy, & not expecting to be believed, but this former Princess & her entourage fully believed & accepted my stories as verbatim & shot back with understanding vignettes describing the myriad of the "examined life".
Then I took it up a notch & included the full spectrum of the bizarre. They too then were up to speed with me. The whole ring of people around the largest table in this posh restaurant made me feel that I was normal - & it was true, I was normal, I just had never unanimous validation before. One of them was a scientist though.
I guess the reason why they used to say in the 1960's don't trust anyone over 30, was because something happens to people when they age, we get separated from the youth of today, like you, experiencing all the things that mysticism relates & is addressed, the things that go ignored in school for kids, because how would that be, for there to be no surprise in life? That life to be the same all the way through? My earnest & righteous gattling gun of spew of human carnage of heartfelt admissions of something out there, continuously muzzled by the likes of a perfect young gentleman seemingly completely reputable... a kid in the back of the class interrupting the teacher & expecting a good grade because he is right.
Well kiddo, it is not about being right. I respect you to a fault, because how am I to respect you if you do not respect age, wisdom & balls? I have experienced everything because I had the balls to chase the most unobtainable woman to put me on a path where I had to face myself. Alone. If my constant truisms, & chiming philosophy cannot ring a bell in your coiffed head, then my friend you are no more than a finger pointer book burner. There is no one right way, there is no way, friend.
It would however be a shame if you were not tested like I was, but as I have said before, something which you probably disagreed with, the best philosophy is pure idealism of children. Everything else corrupts the mind, it is fair to see, that although I make perfect sense, I have been fucked with, & you are more sane, because you have not been forced to be faced with the insanities of life. Kudos for you. You are sane. I understand insanity though. Insanity is nothing to fear, especially for the sane, I have paved the way for you. You probably have a photographic memory just like me, that is why we stand toe to toe on this forum, so when your third eye opens & you see auras, or if some spirits contact you in some state of self imposed boredom delirium, you will be prepared to run over the hot coals on fire to be a sane holy man, maybe the first, but only because I had the wherewithall to introduce you to the supernal, whilst you flung dung at me denouncing even the Religions that back up what I say.
01 Dec 12 11:00 am Maker's reckoning
To my friends. There seems to be many stories around about my hospitalization. My father put me in anonymously, because I was drinking at home, instead of Lounge 47 because I had social anxiety disorder. I felt like I was cramping other peoples' style & since I appeared to myself to be an irritant towards other people I removed myself from social situations. I didn't drink as much, but since I drank at home my father thought I was unusually drunk, which was not the case, I was drinking less at home, maybe 3 pints or so & not everyday. My father says he put me in the mental hospital because he could not stand to see me drink one more time. He just basically wanted me to get over my social anxiety.
So with this dark cloud over my head, & feeling like a pariah, I encountered a paradigm shift & entered another reality. Dream state was similar to wake time, & in this twilight of sleep & wakefulness I would pop up out of bed with a start, & knew instantly that I was completely awake, so I went about this way for three days, accomplishing a modern day "Indian" Sundance. I appeared to be on a mission. I fung shwayed my loft & the energy changed in my room. The vision quest from the 3 day Sundance & change of environ allowed me to hallucinate without using drugs. From what I experienced it all seemed real & I moved mountains with my mind so to speak alla Castanada style.
It may have been a delusion, or it might have had something to do with this Mayan apocalypse. In any event what I do with my time is no bodies business but my own as long as I don't hurt myself or hurt others. "Trips" like these happen every 7 years or so in my life. Something had to be done, & you should all thank me for what I did & stop saying that I was drinking too much. I wasn't even spending money, was not going out, & when the cops came to get me, the cops stole 300 dollars from my loft. His name was Conception. Fine. I never lie, & I have never never hallucinated. I know the difference between reality & delusional states. It also had something to do with the disaster of Sandy. I saw on the radar of the weather report of when Sandy made landfall on North America. It was a huge monster maybe ten miles high two miles wide, marching out of the sea. That was a supernal storm. & while nothing happened to me, a great deal was lost.
I have a purpose on this planet, & sometimes my life gets strange, but within my imagination with the power unlocked by the hallucinatory Sundance, many characters visited my bed. They were in spirit form. There was an otherworldy creature that exacted justice, & from the top of my roof I saw him swoop in to the city & kill about 5 people & dump the bodies in the time it takes to zip up one's pants. It seemed to have been a silver surfer type of creature, that can time travel & ensure justice for this path of life we are on. It is like the mother ship concept, which is a zoological armada that brings all fine specimens of life forms to other sister planets - but this silver surfer character flies solo, & is basically an executioner. The night of the snow storm I will tell you about now.
I had been warned all day before the snow storm, that I was to be alone, "the last man left on Earth", but I through caution to the wind. It seemed ridiculous, & I would rather be rational than be paranoid about apocalypses & matters in times when America is about to fail - everything hangs in the balance. I walked through my apartment & I was unsure if even my Aunt or my Father were lying in their beds or not. I didn't want to be too freaked out. So I went on my way into the night. This was not Earth, I was truly the last man in that dimension. There were spirit folk around, they walked the Earth but they left no footprints in the snow. & the only woman who I love on Earth too, I saw at the end of the block. It was her (I am not telling who it is). I was relieved. Because as I had looked outside my building, I saw people who were there but weren't there. I could see through them. So this is why I went outside to investigate this falseness.
So the woman I loved, broke apart as if she were made of snow, & her mantle had fractured. I walked not too far, but the people on the streets in that dimension were either translucent spirits, or damned people. I did not care if it was I who damned these people, or they were damned for something they did. We are all in this together, & one bad apple can make rot out of a barrel of apples. So we have to forgive, move on & be strong, accept blame & be a better man today than we were yesterday.
Evidently I was in another dimension. I was awake, maybe it was a dreamworld that I entered but I was of the flesh. The wind howled something fierce & had a stare down contest with me. It seemed I was on the edge of the universe in some folded space, & it was the maker of the universe that had come to converse. In its greatness & loneliness of the infinity of bringing all life in this universe to fruition, the wind seemed desperate to find a champion for the cause of what the spiritual realm beings cannot do themselves since they do not have hearts. The Earth seemed to be fractured, & the tristate area was ripped out from the planet & sent to this barrier beyond where the damned can stand. For me it was judgement day. Was I worthy to be deemed a crusader for man's plight? The wind seemed to howl from the 59 street bridge, & whip around houses to show me how small I was in its power.
But still I was unafraid. I walked the street & there was two people of the flesh, but the rest were just images, not really there. I am glad I was not alone. Man was in sorry shape, worlds had come together, worlds had separated, fractured, but I was whole, complete & not fragile. So the mighty wind beckoned me to continue on with the quest. The silver surfer had killed the ones who had done the most wrong, & the paradigm shift was avoided, but even for the silver surfer, eternity is too long to account for justice for all time's sake, so a new silver surfer had to be appointed. There was just too many dimensions, milk was bad, food had no flavor, flowers were made of fake silk, everything was false in this constructed planet for if the whole Earth had been brought to meet the Maker of this expanse of life devoid of true proper soul love & misspent time, I don't think the Earth could have survived.
I forgot who I was, I was in limbo, my windows had my apartment upside down inside, & if I flipped a dime a hundred times it would land on the side of the 110 ridges each time. Physics meant nothing. At least the tabac was real. Then the cops came to get me & take me to a place where I would remember who I was since in my time of judgement I had passed the test to be of the flesh & to still keep my soul, I did a Polidori, a move of asexual reproduction & animation, since no fine woman had ever gotten with me to reproduce another sire. I did the ten moons move, something in my bag of tricks, & my body started to dissolve the fiber of my being. I remained resolute. I figured if this was a trip in the mind, & this Dali time warp had made things real fall apart, this time of reckoning could be withstood with a countenance of brave, bold face riverboat gambler stare down belief in self. I found my right hand could undo what my right hand had done wrong. So with my body becoming more and more dissolute, my mind resolved to be resolute, & this was enough to win the day.
The spirits however wanted more proof that I could be this champion crusader, for the way I was working was the way Gods worked - willing things to be, based on faith in inherent power, the way things were constructed depended upon how things aught to work, & once understanding how the things operated, it was just a hop skip & a jump to cantilever a bridge to connect all these realities of folded space which was dissolving do to the weakening of the Gods. There will be no apocalypse, it was in the 25th hour, in the corner of the universe Man's mettle was tested & God's had awakened for a brief moment to inspect this little prick know it all, that so many times had asked for God to take me away from this planet of losers than can no longer stand with me, so I will be the postman, in the apocalypse, meeting myself in some other reincarnation, moving in other directions, both ways being better than to meet my weathered face that I had raped with my passion for vampirism, to keep this one man gang strolling along like nothing evidently really matters that which can be done can also be undone with the wave of a hand.
Don't worry about me & people stop complaining. I am strong, life is the way it is, it rots, but I still have the power to love even though I cannot stand myself in my own presence. Maybe myself from the future, from where time ends & have come back to stitch this fabric of reality together, maybe he is a better man than me - but neither can walk backwards in flip flops. He would have the matches & I would have the smoke.
09 Jul 12 1:11 am How man created God
06 Jul 12 11:51 pm
Logical laws of heaven
I was brought up agnostic & was highly skeptical about God, religion, afterlife... but when I turned 40, an autoimmune disorder that I had for 11 years turned over & I was reborn. I had new flesh & the Earth was new to me to the point that I got bombarded from the spiritual realm. I stepped on a new planet. I encountered spirits, & then therefore knew there was life after death & God for that matter, because if there is one spirit then there is another, & if there is a chain of spirits then there is a hierarchy of spirits, the top spirit being a God.
The spiritworld lives on the heart's desires & souls interest in surviving the flesh, so it is not like physics which works 99% of the way you think it will & there is the 1% of illogical thinking in the rules that govern physics. Since the spirit world is created by the minds on earth thinking about the spirit that just died & this creates the spirit power, heavens can be created by will alone by the living, & therefore the laws of the spiritworld make more sense because they are guided by the hopes & dreams of man & whatever is easiest to believe in then comes to be.
09 Jul 12 1:09 am The Information Age
The age of Aquarius has been sung about for many years now, but that really starts in the year 2470. It is still the age of Pisces, which has been around since Jesus' birth, as each age has a messiah to ring it in, just like Aquarius is expected to have a new messiah. Aquarius is the age of group activity, whereas we live in Pisces which is the age of individual activity. The confusion of the age of Aquarius was that the hippies in the 60's used to live on communes, almost in clans, with gardens & cafeterias. So that group activity confused the age of individual activity. Now the Hippies are done & that brief instant of group collaboration is gone forever, we all sit in cubicles staring into computer screens, & the famous at the top are seeking isolation, punching paparazzi, when in the past leaders would be amongst their peoples.
I wonder if I am getting smarter because I am going insane, (because the criminally insane are smart enough to outwit the Law), or I am getting that smart because it is the age of information that makes learning more meaningful, and separate facts start to intertwine & make the lore of the past more solid in our minds?
The problem is although we have these devices to ascertain exactly what the facts are by doing web searches, we no longer commit anything to memory since it lives in cyberspace, & our ability to recall or get things off the tip of our tongue weakens, reliant on gadgets to compile data.
I think these smart devices are dumbing us down, we need GPS to get to where we want to go, wherein the past I used to have a road map of all of NYC in my head. I don't google stuff to know stuff, I work on getting things off the tip of my tongue, & since the brain is a muscle, my tongue without hesitation never lets me down. I am concerned about the new generation arising & being dependent on machines to do work our minds used to do. But this Age will continue when again people in the future will need to be led by new Messiah's that will inspire us to emulate their genius by following in their footsteps, shirking off the gadgets that are making us idiots.
02 Jul 12 12:57 am Why the Bible is good
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"Life is tough, it is not what we thought it was, and we too are not whom we thought we were, and somewhere in the shifting of both these worlds our identity gets lost and we have to play some game. If evil is to be expected in life then it can do us no harm. We all cared at one point but I didn’t want to live forever if life is fake, but you know what? Life isn’t fake at all, not one bit of it. There is such a complex web of life to keep the real here it is only the fake who get escorted out of the building." (a quote from Vampirerave by Vampariah)
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I used to think the Bible was babble too when I was your age. I discounted the brainwashing of convergent sheep thinkers. But I came to a point in life where this amazing red carpet under my feet was pulled out from under me during some long played out scam where I lost my belief in life, & everything that I was taught had holes in it, to the point where even science failed me, & then came this mystical book that never made sense to me, because I had never been at that point of weakness to notice things from the point of view of the writers of the Bible. The Bible was put out there as a catch all, to have a text from which to relate to when the individual has fallen off the face of the Earth; to address the things already agreed to be left out from the first universities, not too long ago.
The Bible was such an offensive device, that anytime the word Bible was mentioned I shut my eyes & closed my mind to it. But like I said, I knew I had fallen thru the cracks & I had entered into a new way of receiving knowledge, I had a hunch the Bible was going to make sense at that point; & I was right. I hope your blue face & desire for constant immediate instant gratification never strays into the diorama of the examined life that will make you relate to the subtext & shadow of knowledge, true wisdom. I understand I used the B word, & you closed your mind - but I illustrated quite simply the story of Pilates when Jesus is doing his healing spell, they meet. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. You see, Jesus says if you want to be healed, all you have to do is reach out & touch me. Now, Jesus is standing up when he said that, but the Bible was meant to be read after he died, so this allegory is meant to be shifted to the point when you are so fucked up from disabilitated degenerative diseases that place a man on his back to the point where he cannot even fetch food to make it thru the next weak. So I am there on my back with frozen shoulders, & Jesus says reach out and touch me, so I put my fucked up arm in the air, because Jesus is up there now, no longer walking the Earth. & I have full comprehension that Pilates is exercise while in a horizontal position. On my back, with my hand up in the air, with my arm free from gravity - I was able to do small motions with my arm, that nurses my fucked up arm to health. Yeah it took months, but it came back, & it came back because of that Jesus Pilates healing spell.
Now you bring an interesting point that so many writers contradict each other in the bible, & you haven't gotten to the point of infirmity where the Bible begins to make sense yet, but I am just saying just because you can't see the value in it doesn't mean that it isn't valuable. I am not trying to convert anyone, & I am not religious at all, but this is not to say that scripture is worthless. Life is like a street corner in the night where something amazing just happened a moment before, & the young like you come up after the crowd has cleared, & you say nothing happened here. This is the wisdom that you contain, a man incredulous because of temporal inexperience. There are so many Bible bashers on this site, or any holy book for that matter, it is juvenile for people whose knees have recently been healed over from being skinned in childhood to discount any relevance in or applicability in documentation that takes different states of mind to receive the message of, where you haven't even been initiated by life yet, loss of a great love, loss of a career, loss of your father or mother, or loss of the self from being mystified by the false simplistic projection of life.
27 Jun 12 6:31 pm America the Fat
It could be that America is only getting fatter because they cut gym classes down from 5 days a week to 2 days, like art classes. Or it could be that fat people are the only ones who are landing jobs, & with money comes homes & babies, fat babies.
Success is a dirty word in America. We vote in Presidents that are fools because, we can't have anyone we admire above us. Which is why Jesus was crucified & if he came back, he would only get crucified again. Bosses hate someone working under them who continually undermines them & can size up a situation quickly, as a leader would avert disasters for its clans in the old days, instantly.
If you have talent, you get fired. If you are a leader, run things from inside the short yellow bus. We don't need to be saved, stop saving people, you are making them all look bad, save yourself. There has got to be something wrong with you if you help other people. Get with the program, be selfish, punish good samaritans; make sure your own coffers are chock full. It is just shameful that the people that they vote into office to overcome their financial problems are people they are unthreatened by & who created these deficits to begin with. We can't have someone at the top that is capable; so don't wonder why all Americans except the 1% lost their life savings in one fell swoop.
We have successful families that have their adult children living in their basement. To have a true economic recovery we need to have some longevity with this success we are talking about. What ever happened to like father like son? The apple is falling real far from the tree. America is getting fat, not because we eat too much. It goes back to the reason why Jesus was crucified, humans do that to people they admired, we can't have people that shine around us, because life has to be enjoyed, if we don't enjoy life, then we will do everything in our power to rectify the situation & remove the person that interferes with our enjoyment of life. Got some fabulous worker at work who is going to get the promotion? make more money? get the girl? look better than you without really ever trying? & can throw a frisbee on the run at 20 miles an hour & hit you in the chest at the job picnic? Where do you end up? How does that make you feel? Either you or this Jesus character is going to be hearing the: "How does that make you feel?" at the shrinks office, it might as well be Jesus, let's give him the Messiah Complex.
It is not survival of the fittest, it is survival of the fattest. We can't have true leaders around to lead us, because as they walk on water for the miracle of the living breathing day, they splash water on others. Doesn't play nice with others, put him in a box & mail him to bum fuck Egypt. Fat people we can put up with, they'll keep their jobs, no one is jealous of the fat people, keep them around. Let them be successful, let them go forth, be merry, be fruitful & multiply. America will never come out of this death spiral, it is human nature that is preventing us. As it stands 40% of Americans are obese as it is. We just could never tolerate people we would rather be, we need happy workers to save the economy, fire talent & heart - see where that gets us...
10 Mar 12 1:27 pm SAINT PATRIX
I see thru God's eyes & God sees thru mines
the longer you go the more the path narrows
the hunger for gold in others hearts
has left me with... with but one wing
the pirouette did not corkscrew me into the ground
my sins gave me wings & the jete gave me a sense of flight
no bird ever shit on me, though they want to
you see I owned the world because of my mother beauty
but now the Master of Puppets (who says he doesn't exist)
has forsook this clown
shocked was I when I peered into the mirror
& saw a young man
I stood there in amazement for
about as long as it took to destroy that image
a moment of ecstasy, which tore from my shoulder
the blade, my wing.
There are rainbows on other planets
maybe a unicorn
but on this planet I am the horned
one eyed monster
but I don't feel bad
God understands the game which has made me who I am
so even if I am not right I am still righteous
for it all makes sense
I cannot fear the unknown
no one has ever come back from there
God's judgement will come
mind swiped living on other planet
reincarnated to be reborn
it is as if we live life to make these mistakes again
for they make us men
without the cross I would not spare my life
to save a woman
I would not know how
without the wisdom of my folly
I am numb from numbers
and letters no longer arrive
fuck the matrix
here comes Saint Patrix.
They matricized to protect the women
but it was done by men
no woman can be a Messiah
for they call them Messenger
the bringer and bearer of bad news
you see us men we make a mess
the carrier wave of sound that
twists and contorts the very wind we breathe
like a bag of potato chips tells you to fuck off, already.
There is fascination in life
& beauty in strange things
a computer algorithm has taken over the air waves
as we dance alone
the DJ robot loses track of the tracks
as if it was somebody's favorite song
these machines they become smarter than us
our blue faces, blurred vision
& internet addiction
I no longer care to satisfy a woman
because that takes effort
& I have run out of fingers to fully satisfy
do not kneel before me
because I want to plant a kiss
like the first flower I would bring you
to show you it was not love at first sight
but an overture, not an act
for in my delirium, this stupor
my masochistic pleasure center
no longer required any female words
to tickle the anvil, the cochlea, the stapes
to bang your drum & tickle hair in your ear
those tresses, the locks like hay of a cave girl
for another woman's voice still possessed my mind
I would not bring her flowers, cut, for they are dead
but for you I would get down on my knee and pluck
just one from the ground
when I saw the flower I did not know
it was meant for you
the Geese had rung in the Spring perennial
These poems are a nasty thing
I cannot show you this poem for I am gray
and my gaiety is false
I am twice your age exactly
I don't know what color your eyes are
but without looking
I am sure they are grey
I came to bitch and moan 'bout life
but since it is over
my fashion intervention is for me to shower
trim my 'stache 'cause something for you is swollen
put on a fine shirt that has grown rust & dust
silence is golden but my tongue is platinum
I bounce off brick face fanfare for you
so someone else can drag you away from here
maybe they too will wonder what panties you wear?
And instead out of all the bad intentions shouldered
a great weight has lessened for when I see you next
St Patricks Day I don't care if I live one day more
just to see you again.
These fears, these phobias, these sleepless nights
my mania, my mind running til' noon, all night
the delusions have led my to grandeur
there are so many people that want me around
but they can't say it
and no one will tell you they love you either
now I have to smoke to take me away from you
because good is a bad thing when there is too much good
and I am too good for this neighborhood
when people take compliments as insults
I grow weary of being misunderstood.
That flower this poem, my black heart
has turned your milk to black too
for the next messenger will be black
I would have loved to revolve just outside your womb
and drop off like a stork, a girl and a bag of potato chips
for you are all that
for more of you should be made
to rule the future world someday
I would die to bring you this child
but her babble would drive me insane
& either her eyes or mine eye
would be plucked like the wise man
when he knows it all - has to be blinded
so the others won't mind him being around
and the Prophet won't stray.
I will still see through my third eye
thru her eyes, like a child, again.
Washing away my sin
like a raindrop that was windshield wiped away.
29 Feb 12 12:41 pm How to fail your retirement.
Teachers get it from both sides, they get their hands tied from conservative administrators who snuff individual teaching methodology & then get stymied by students who don't want to learn. This new generation is addicted to distraction gadgets & the game is on all of us.
In the age of information there is a virtual impasse of dissemination of crucial information. Like light bulbs that are designed to stop working and every other appliance drop dead on end of warranty, humans too are to expire so they can't drain Social Security and weak pension funds. From Health plans that don't cover life saving measures or exploratory radiology, there is no ounce of prevention for a pound of cure anymore.
Once you have outlived your usefulness, and even your children want to be heirs, there are no golden years because we are kept in the dark by the system; and the complexities of the tangled web weaved by cross-disciplines. We know too much to ever wield this weapon of medicine, its integration and mastery is foiled by the limits of even the best of minds; the doctors. They don't give you the stitch in time to save nine, for they would rather drop a stitch to have you return one more time. And the doctors want to make it illegal to sue for malpractice.
I don't think it is conspiracy theory to say they want us dead to not collect our due for a life of yeoman work; the lawyers have assembled to bureaucratically red tape our minds with fine print we can't wrap our heads around. First it is what we pay for and don't get, and then it is the total and complete obfuscation of medical enlightenment; when in plain language & in a couple of minutes with wise words you can make the uneducated, geniuses.
25 Jan 12 10:25 am So you think you can fly?
The famous book by J.D. Salinger, "The Catcher in the Rye" was such a famous book that he wrote in secret after that, and barely ever published anything ever again. He died like Franz Kafka with orders for his manuscripts not to be published. In Kafka's case, he told his best friend to burn everything he wrote, but he published them instead. J.D. Salinger just died, and it was in his will that his writing was not to be published, but the estate decided to opt out on this clause and go to press with his works. You can expect more books from Salinger posthumously, as well as a feature film on the Catcher in the Rye, which J.D. also was against the production of.
Holden Caufield, the main character in the book, was a nice man. He wanted to go around and erase all the graffiti that said FUCK YOU on the walls; he also wanted to be the catcher in the rye. You see, as it was described in the book, there was a cliff, and people would fall off the cliff and land in this field of rye where Holden lay. I am not sure if it was just the force of life that propelled people off the cliff, or was it the fungus that grows on rye called Ergot, which is a hallucinogen, causing people to think they can fly? Rye is a grain that has long been cultivated since agriculture began in the Cradle of Civilization, like barley, wheat, they are all just but grasses, so by the time the Middle Ages rolled around people were quite aware of this Ergot fungus on the Rye, and would trip with it throughout time.
16 Jan 12 3:48 am Portals opening
I think spirits only exist, not because they exist, but because people want them to. During bereavement, continuous thinking about the dead person brings the spirit back from somewhere. It is like just how it happened that the spirit world opened up for me. I had no desire to talk with spirits, but I had been separated from my soulmate, and as we were separated I thought of her, and she knew I would think of her as I always had, and so her curiosity opened a portal into my world in which she can spy on me, and I can feel her thoughts through the various mediums. Once that portal was opened by her, the spirit world came through too, because that portal is really the same channel. It never came from me. If you met Tamara, you would know, that it came from her, all this supernaturality. I was just young dumb and hung, and she always was other worldly. Her family was that way because her mother was sexually abused, and ended up having 13 different personalities. Bad things opens portals, and space gets folded, bringing separated people together.