28 Dec 09 9:44 am Life makes you lose your mind.
I mean, I know you can't be a "pro" at life, but can't you get better at living it?
Be stronger, feel better about things?
Better at accepting myself?
I've even failed myself.
And when you get to that point, it's pretty much over.
Losing, lost.
I think I'm pretty much at that point.
It's a horrible place to be.
Bad spot to be in.
I mean, when you feel this way..You lose all hope.
You just don't know what to do anymore.
You're pretty lost then. | 28 Dec 09 9:44 am Feelings that are no more Pt.2
This Boy.
Is My All.
My Gorgeous.
My Love.
My Penguin.
I love him so much.
With all I have.
With all I''ll ever have.
All I will ever need now, is him.
He's all I'll ever want.
I am his, He's mine.
Surely.♥
I Don't Ever Want To Lose Him.
I don't ever want to be with out him.
I Need Him&&Only Him.
Just Knowing I'm So Lucky.
Makes My Heart Flutter.
I'm So Happy, I Could Cry.
Seeing Him Come Online, Or His Number, Makes My Heart race insanely.
I Can't Imagine Myself Without Him Now.
I STILL Can't Believe He Picked Me Over Everyone Else.
But, He Did&&I'm Glad.
He's So Adorable.
He's Amazing.
He's Mine&&I'm His.
He Makes Me Blush.
With The Simplest Of Words.
He Can Make Me Smile Without Even Trying.
He Makes Me Feel Amazing.
And When He Says "I love you."
It Makes My Stummy Go Woo!
I'm Happy I have Him =].
I Love Him.
With My All&&All I'll Ever Have.
Thinking Back, No Boy Has Ever Made Me Feel This Way.
All I've Ever Wanted Was To Be Happy.
And Now, I Think I Finally Can Be.
I Love You, So Fucking Much, I Never Thought It Possible.
♥
&&End.
♥♥ | 22 Nov 09 5:14 am Beauty blind.
Your past makes you who you are.
Who you are now was molded by your past.
It is because you learned.
It created you.
Whether you believe it or not.
And that's what I see.
My messed up past, all the nasty stuff I've been through, gone through.
I see all the scars it's left behind, so I don't, Can't see.
"My beauty." | 22 Nov 09 4:26 am Broken Promises
Why am I always made a damned promise?
And believe it.
Especially when I know it won't be kept.
I just make it hurt me more.
I know I shouldn't be so willing to take a promise, but I'm in so much denial.
What do I do? | 11 Nov 09 10:36 pm Need&&Scare
Sucks, 'cause I need people.
Yet, they scare me&&I want nothing to do with them.
I want love, friends.
A good life, I'm happy to live, Have lived, be living.
Is it that hard to find?
Apparently.
I can't, have yet to find it.
It's quite hard.
I've been happy before, I know what it's like.
And I miss it, terribly.
I want it again.
It's very hard, for me anyways.
I'll be happy, I'll find something to get me to that point.
Then it either; Slips away, or torn from my grasp.
Like it never existed for me in the first place.
Fuck, maybe I just, Scare it away?
Or..A fear of mine.
I'm not supposed to be happy.
I don't DESERVE it.
I bet I don't, I did something wrong. | 11 Nov 09 10:34 pm Closeness, kills.
Why do I let myself get close?
When I know what's going to happen?
I trust someone, then it crashes down onto my face.
Then it takes me Ages to get back up.
I want to find someone who doesn't make me want to give up.
Someone who I'm thankful to be living.
Breathing.
Alive for.
I've given up so many times, it's pathetic.
I'M pathetic.
I don't know what to Do with myself anymore.
I wish I knew how to give up unnoticed.
Pain for me is becoming...
Unbearable.
I mean, it's not like I don't know what might happen.
I just figure..Maybe this person is going to be different.
Naw, they're all the same.
I'm losing hope, faith.
No one's real anymore.
Reality is fading.
So is everything else.
I don't really want anything to do with life anymore.
I hate that fucking excuse;
"You're only human. You make mistakes."
Well you know what?
Normal fucking humans LEARN from their mistakes, I've yet to.
I'm 20 years old&&I Still can't do anything right.
I figured I'd do better by now.
But it's more the opposite.
I'm worse.
Won't it ever get better?
Is this it?
Am I finished? | 11 Nov 09 10:21 pm Institution Psyco, In waiting.
I'm finally losing it.
Losing touch with reality.
Maybe I should be going to an institution.
It sounds like an appropriate place for me.
I'm going crazy.
Maybe I'm not sane?
But then..What if I never was?
What happens then?
When I finally just..Snap?
If I never was sane, there will be a time when I completely lose it.
I won't be myself.
I'm sure it's gonna happen soon.
I'm waiting. | 01 Nov 09 6:34 pm Act?
Was it something I did?
Something I said?
Did you use those three simple words.
That simple phrase till you didn't need me anymore?
Until I was just a burden in your life?
You just dropped me like a bag of skittles.
Drop me like you don't need me.
Did you ever need me?
Was that also apart of it?
Apart of your simple act to poison me from the inside out?
Was it my fault? | 01 Nov 09 6:28 pm Wasted
They don't make sense.
Because that "love"..
[-.Never Existed.-]
Another one of life's Mere Illusions.
Wasted feeling.
Wasted .I.Love.Yous. | 01 Nov 09 6:21 pm Missing
I don't want to put on another fake smile.
No more of those.
It's getting to be insane.
No more feeling empty.
I'm missing pieces of me, of myself.
I want to find them.
I don't want to be alone.
I can't be alone.
You get one or the other.
The fake one, my fake way.
Or you get to see me crumble right before you.
Completely.
Crumble right before your very eyes.
I'll pour my heart out.
You'll see the real me, the scared me.
What I Really look like.
I fall apart.
That's me, I'm dying.
But all I want is for it to go away.
I don't want to be like this, this way forever.
I want to get better.
Not to worry them.
Not to worry myself.
But to be Happy, all over again. |
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