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LadyEvalon's Diary
17 Nov 11 12:31 am
come stalk me

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lady-Evalon/239507779403451

30 Jul 10 10:41 am
stranger

up and down , your twisted spine
oh how i love it when you smile
i wish you would just go away
no, please come back i didnt mean it

the tv luls me into slumber
i lay there and i start to wonder
if i hold your hand tight enough
will you never let me go...

alas i wake up with a stranger
he's you but not , your twin
maybe, maybe not , let me rot
i'm just waiting for the night to fall

he's looking at me through your eyes
confusion, he doesnt know me at all
but you love me, i know you do
i'll wait for you to return to me

Time flows so slowly as i wait
Will you come back at all this time
You are my life, my love, my light
Without you i am thrust into perpetual darkness

Do you know what you want from me?
Or does it scare you to be this close
Close your eyes my love, you are safe
Forget your pain i will take it all away

13 Jul 10 10:12 am
brain dead

its been so long
since we said goodbye
i didnt even cry
no i didnt cry

now you lay in this hospital bed
i wish i was dead in that hospital bed
I loved you to death
All the things i could have said

Damn this pride of mine
years have taken you away
Eaten you from my heart
Now you're dead to the world

But your heart still beats
You're still breathing
But no ones home
Stolen your sight

If i came to confess
My pleas would fall on deaf ears
My Screams would go unheard
Even my deepest fears

I hold your hand
Mechanical breaths, inhale
Silent tears, tear me apart
No rest for the wicked, only hell

I love you, i'm sorry
Forgive me, I didnt mean to
Break your heart
I will miss you....

22 Dec 09 6:47 am
trash falls

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=101585742&release=101955502

14 Dec 08 2:43 am
fuck it

Ok..so...here it goes...FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK...i FUCKING hate this fucking bum fuck shitty ass town....i keep leaving and it keeps pulling me back in like some black hole.

i fucking hate people that can't do things for themselves.....it pisses me off so fucking bad....but hey...i asked for this right? I knew what i was gettig....but seriously...even for my fucking birthday could you at least take the initiative to look up a movie time..possibly ask mommy dearest for a few bucks instead of me dipping out of my dwindling funds...but no....lol mr. wait to the last fucking minute so everything turns to shit and i'm pissed off for most of the goddamn day...*sighs*....

BUT HEY NOTHING EVER GOES SMOOTHY FOR MY BIRTHDAY....NEVER COMPLETELY HAPPY....and after i have to drive..and pay for everything...you don't even act like you want to be there.....wtf....are you serious?

OH AND TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE "FAMILY" and "FRIENDS" WHO OBVIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU IF YOU'RE NOT IN COLLEGE OR HAVE A FUCKING CAREER...YOU KNOW WHAT...FUCK YOU....I NEVER EVEN REALLY GAVE A DAMN I THE FIRST PLACE....JUST SIT ON YOUR FAT ASSES AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY GOD DAMN FUCKING LIFE!!! OK ^_^

I'D RATHER BE A FRIENDLESS HOMELESS ORPHAN THAN BE ANYTHING TO ANYONE...-_-....of coarse i'm a nothing to everyone so wtf does it matter?

I always thought of myself as better or at least different than everyone in this hillbilly shit town/state....then i look in the mirror and under all of the makeup and clothes....i'm a FUCKING LOSER JUST LIKE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM.

I have hopes, and goals....but i don't know how to reach them...

"why couldn't you just stay in school" mother says....sure mom....kill everyone there and the strong urge to commit suicide is a great way to stay there....forever....

I'M A HOPELESS FAILURE....I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT BUT IT'S FUCKING TRUE....I'M A GOD DAMN LOSER JUST LIKE EVERYONE SAYS.....I WANT TO SLIT THEIR THROAT WHEN THEY ONLY TELL THE TRUTH....


FUCK THIS SHIT....I MIGHT AS WELL BECOME A FUCKING STREET WHORE BECAUSE APARANTLY THAT'S ALL I'M GOOD FOR....LOL....FUCK......LOL....FUCK ME....

why does suicide sound so appealing....why can't i just succeed at something just thiS once...

SHIT........FUCK..........FUCK...............FUCK............

SO....BACK TO BEING A FUCKING WHORE........YEAH I'M A SLUT...NOT TO BE TRUSTED.....EVEN IN THE EYES OF THE ONLY PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT.....BUT HEY THAT'S OK RIGHT?....It's just me.....not that it fucking matters....

IF I COULD I WOULD SCREAM IT INTO YOUR FACE...TRY TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME.....I'M NOT AS BAD AS I SEEM....

You knew what you were dealing with.....do i fucking care....about you...yes.....
DOES IT FUCKING RIP ME APART WHEN YOU CALL ME A LIAR EVERYFUCKING DAY FOR NO REASON.....JUST THE WORDS OF A FUCKING CUNT AND YOUR ALREADY TWISTED VIEW ON SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T KNOW A GOD DAMN THING ABOUT?

YOU DON'T THINK I CARE....BUT HONESTLY....DO YOU?...

I PUSH YOU AWAY A LITTLE BIT....AND YOU PUT A GOD DAMN MILE BETWEEN US..
WHEN I NEED YOU...I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME...CHEER ME UP....WHAT DO I GET?.....NOT A DAMN THING.....A "WHATEVER" OR "DON'T TALK TO ME"

OH YEAH...THAT REALLY SHOWS YOU FUCKING CARE.....lmfao.....KILL ME....

I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DRAMA BULLSHIT....THE FUCKING DEPRESSED EMO KIDS....

I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT....IT'S LIKE A FUCKING PLAGUE...

SO YEAH...TO PUT IT ALL IN A SHORTER VERSION.....I'M A FAILING LOVELESS WHORE WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT ANYONE BUT HERSELF....OH AND A FREAK....

IS THAT RIGHT SOCIETY? IS THAT FUCKING CORRECT?......

KILL ME...JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW....

13 Dec 08 7:17 am
Last Kiss To Kill

The wind blows ice
Over blue white skin
I'll kiss your lips
My perfect sin

I never lied, only tried
My everything, you'll always be
Pull away from me, my love
I'll only cry for eternity

Fall into my deadly grip
I'll sing so softly as you're falling
Grip me so tightly
No more struggles, I can hear you calling

Blood spills now, violently shaking
One last breath , your heart is breaking
With one sharp kiss, I'll end it tonight
Let it come so easily, no need to fight

I never lied, only tried
My everything, you'll always be
Pull away from me, my love
I'll only cry for eternity

You'll never leave, rest forever
I'll sing for you, my only one
Kiss cold dead lips, so sweet so mine
We will be together for all of time

20 Apr 08 5:59 am
torn again....

shoot me in my precious skull
under your gleaming eyes
let the blood run rivers
it's so black, this night sky

let me speak my words
of love and sincerity
shove them back into my face
give me some clarity

my eyes do wonder here and there
to search for another soul
so raped and filled with hollows
to make them smile is my goal

now cast thine eyes upon my face
now weathered from this grief
make me fee so worthless still
i stole your love, the black heart thief