Infected with HIV
Infected with Huntingtons HD
Infected with disrespect
All I want is one man, who will just hold me at night.
I know I am getting sicker.
I tend to stick to the back roads.
I feel alone.
The men I don't want come at me.
The man I want runs in fear.
I feel like I am always changing who I am because of an event I can not control.
I felt like killing myself last night, I had to park my car 10 blocks away from my apartment due to the fact that it was past 11pm and everyone else was home with someone.
I love my friends and family, but even if you have support from those people you still are missing some level of comfort.
I spent 70% of my childhood confused about my sexuality.
Moved to the 4th largest city in america to be free
Got lied to by a man and now I am infected with HIV
Yeah I won't die from hiv but I can get real sick
be put in the hospital
maybe thats what I want.
24 hour care.
I am so ready to break down but I hold my head up high.
After my father died I started to hold back my emotions.
Then my mother got sick, I had to move.
Get out and away, moved far so deaths touch wouldn't reach me.
But then it happen.
I was touched with the tip of the finger, feeling numb and dumb.
Words escape me.
Plunged into a underground world where the infected look down on the healthy.
A world where you don't talk about things unless you are the level same with another person.
In this world I have grown sick, the men here spread disease.
I want a country side view with chicago night life scene.
All I do is drink
All I do is get high
All I do is lay in bed feeling cold.
All I want is life
All I want is a man
All I want is the image of perfection.
I feel alone here in my apartment.
I feel like going and buying wine.
I feel like going and buying more weed.
But when I am drunk or high I tend to want someone to laugh with or cry.
I have not even cried yet about my own situation.
I want to escape.
I would jump on the back of a stranger if I could become one with the open road again.
Now my car is even having problems.
I can't afford shit
I feel stupid.
I just keep repeating events in my past.
The mall cop who raped me with his friend from Atlanta.
My ex who stole my car and bank account information.
My ex who slept with my best friend.
My ex coworker who drugged my drink.
The man who kept me trapped at his house for three days.
The gypsie who stole my wallet.
The man who punched me in bed.
All the men I have connected with but rejected cause I was searching for the perfect guy.
I wish I could be normal.
I wish I could talk to people in real life about my past.
I wish someone could make me feel safe again.