So I guess where we are at in this topic, is discussing how we are restrained in our current life and what plans have we to change these restrictions.

I have few friends to hang with, these selections of friendship are made on their behalf. You go to the same places over and over again with the same people, sitting in the same spots at the bar. Then, your goof friends get you thrown out of your haunt, and then the limitations of where you can hang get narrowed down. That is not freedom when people control your nightlife, where you go and with whom, and a lack of a girl too.

I am supposed to go to Europe to DJ, and be with a handful of different girls all summer, but I can't get these girls back to the states until my books get published, so it is just a vacation where I have to learn to be free with my dick and fuck blindly instead of always trying to possess a woman to feel safe and not catch AIDS. I want to kiss them but I am scared. And everyone has a different body odor, from where ever; it ain't even their sins.

So I return to America, when my book gets published, and I am still living at home with my father because it is his life story I have written about, I know the lay out of the neighborhood is the same, the restrictions of where to go what to do, the local watering holes. It is not freedom at all. Everyone is attached to the bar where their money is at, and we all try to make a street corner ours for more than 15 minutes. The light turns green and we are as real as a bag of chips emptied a year ago still floating in the shaows of the trees on the sidewalk, like the shadow is on fire, the leaves dance.

So life would be the same when I get back to america, I know that. I am not a fucken idiot, I have lived long enough to know that good friends move away, cities become empty bee hives with new people off the bus whom pretend to emulate rich people and not talk to people they think they are better than. It is a city of exclusion, this is my club, my bouncer has orders to keep you out. It is his property. One day you have an all access pass, the next they make you feel like an ass behind the velvet ropes. I broke the rule to not to try to pick up the bar tender but she was so hot and now I can't go there any more, because she was just being nice for money and it got real so fast. This is not freedom being used. And abused.

So, my plan is to write the next book by living it, but I can't write about this life because I am not free. This whole neighborhood is filled with reasons why I can't get with that girl on that street, and the other street too same story with her. All beautiful women have some man they cling to and I am a respectable man so I don't bounce the blow up sheep doll of a man out of her life because I don't want another man interfering with my love life when I get one. So it is impossible to score, and these relationships of convenience with these fantastic women trapped with inferior men because they are wage earners and brown nosers, game fucken players who know they can guilt trip their women and call them sluts if the stray, so they stay true to the game player. Plus her parents know he is normal and he has got the foot in the door of the Love game, where they just want her to settle down and be normal like him.

MY plan for freedom is to skip town and take the money from the books and walk to the Pacific and meet every bum on the way to Cali. Meet every blue eyed floozy on the way too. And get their life stories and write about life on the road, but not like Keruak, I ain't going hop trains, I got the ATM stacked and I'd pay the bums to tell me their shit and we have a good time until the prospects of the town closed down in its limited freedom. It is not my turf.

I have written about everything else, I can't write about this anymore, I have written about war, I have written about fame, I have written about love, and I have written about what is under our noses that which we cannot sense unless we become ill, lose a job, or on some substance to witness the life that could be if only one little thing went wrong in our lives how we would lose our freedoms, and this paranoia makes us trapped to play some game, to answer to some provider because we cannot do it on our own.

I am walking into the sunset of the next town, and in the night I will get the picture. If I don't fall in love I am hitting the road, I can't stare at a TV or a computer screen any longer, this is not life. Neither is drinking because there is nothing else to do. Yeah I will get rained on, but at least I won't have to give up my soul to have a roof over my head. That key on our lock on the door keeps us in it don't keep people out. Vampariah is coming to a town near you. He will be free.