*this kinda tells about the creation of my band world of echos, and just events that surrounded it's creation, when "I wish this bassist would surface ..." that's when it starts*

seeing as how I'm working on chapter ten, I've gotten to the 30th poem but haven't written anything new. well I have, but I wonder if I should use them for lyrics or poems. because I know I need both, but I have alot of poems written and I need to make that back up copy on paper so when the computer or 3 1/2 floppy fucks up I can re-type it on another computer somewhere but I'll always have it. kinda glad brittany is out of my life now because now I don't have her being such a fucking distraction. and her lying to me. but then again alot of people have been lying to me lately. mike as always has always been there, and mom decided to stop being such a bitch and actually saw that something was actually wrong with me. I wish this bassist would surface already because I'm sick of waiting, and looking for them. jon wants another guitarist in the band, whatever man, but he knows my word is final in it, and I can do whatever I want in it, because I started it on my own, seeing as how arnold, derek, and brandon abandoned the band when it was called surpentor on me and formed a new one with don replacing me,but they got rid of me because they didn't want him to feel bad even though when they had me they would of been amazing. but they sounded monotonous with don because he "supposedly" had range but I didn't hear it. and john and humberto quit on me when the band was called human insanity. and I kicked Matt out because he was an asshole to jeremy and the bassist left because she didn't really want to be in the band if jeremy wasn't in it because she didn't know the others at all or me well enough to stay just for me, and I kicked chris out because he was too heavy into the drugs. we couldn't have that. and for months I continued to carry the band, but while I was in school, while it was me, matt, jeremy and the bassist....me, matt and jeremy made a song on guitar. and i kept writting lyrics, I only wrote four I noticed. the song, the parts that I came up with we're decent not like how the guitar work that I've come up with now, just flat out sucked. I went though the hospitalization for the 7th time august 9th for anger problems, I guess us quiet people do have alot of anger issues, and we hold it inside. I broke the window in my room, was as the cops put it..suicidal. but I guess that's never left me. and I spent my 18th birthday in the fucking psyche ward at alexian brothers hospital in hoffman estates. no one visited me on my birthday, but I payed no attention anyways. after being released on the day after my turning, I stayed in a playground working on guitar riffs while all around me there were cyotes in the forests that surrounded, after I stopped all I thought of was the one memory when my cousin danial's band had me do vocals for them in front of atleast about 60 people, I cut along one of the lines on my hands and smeared the blood on my face and screamed "I fucking hate you all!!!" at the crowd because they were people that I despised because even though I know they knew me and had some form of respect for me, I knew they were just sucking up for what they were going to do. that stopped them. the sun rose and showed at someones house and check to see if I got any response for band mates

almost two months had passed after the hospital stay and nothing, and then sometime in late november, my friends in the band vile order came through for me, and spread word, and I got a response from jon who is now the lead guitarist of the band, and not long after jon came, a drummer surfaced, which happened to be derek bell who's band, backlash, just had a downfall. and all that's left really is to see who's going to be the new bassist. but we've already begand writting songs as the new line-up. and honestly, I find it funny how many racist people have IMed me or messeged me on myspace claiming how there are plenty of white people that could of been in my place in the band my band mates just pitied me and that's how I got into the band, and they feel really stupid once I respond because I usually respond telling them about how I'm the starting force of the band, I'm the one that's carried this hell along for the ride, I'm the one who's responsible for the birth of it, and all the other band members are fucking white. and they except me fine for myself. but what's in store for world of echos? even as the creater of the band, I can't fucking tell right now.