30 Jul 07 1:11 am
Child screams for help.

Kids are to be alloted to make stupid mistakes, then they learn.

I remember having a fight wih some not too long ago and it was a situation where they thought they could strike me and I could never dare to hit them, and when I defended myself and parried and then turned a parry into an offensive maneuver, they had a look in their eye. I don't remember who it was, maybe my mother, I always hang up on her and sometimes she gets drunk, and well, I hang up on her when she asks me to lie about my life, that everything is fine, I am not going to tell her what she needs to hear. I am always going to tell it like it is, and if she wants to be lied to then she gave birth to the wrong boy. It could have been my father too, I mean he sent me away for a month in the mental ward and sometimes he thinks that he has some untouchable power over me, but I am not going to be abused or treated like an insane asylum vitem, as much as I love the places, if you would just tell me what I have to do, instead of telling me never even fuck

um

I hate this life I am in now, I don't care if people look up to me, I am fucked in the head right now, and I feel like I am being abused by the whole world. There ain't no one I can trust, and I am three sheets to the wind, and no one is straigth with me, and to all of you it seems funny, but like today I am rattled, I had to place something in my diary I couldn't show anyone.

Fuck, I am scared alright. I am fucken scared, I don't need overtures of masses showing me the way, I need someone to bring me peace, I want this to end, I don't want to be what I am anymore. Abuse is abuse, and to abuse me just because I have an undeniable power doesn't make me like living more. I am in fucken Montreal because in NYC I would be a vampire with a stake in my heart, and if I keep blowing it I am just going to die. I bump my ankle and there is a pain that shoots through my heart, I am so close to the edge, I am tired, I want it to end, but I can't make it stop, because I have to keep doing things, but there is a line I can't cross, and then I cross it anyways because I am a sicko, and I can't even help myself. Fuck this reborn shit. I am a laughing stalk. I don't mind, it is the pain it is the unknowing, and like I said I am tired I just want normal life. I am fucken normal, I have been turned into a monster and I am just a man with an amazing heart.