Tall enough to ride this ride
You guys are so fucken serious.
I was a golden boy totally planned born of a Finnish super model and a famous photographer. MOney seemed to dictate quality of life, there was a divorce, but parental love was so high that I was built for destruction.
Um basically after having one of the best upbringinngs and educations, really bad luck hit me, the kind that kills you.
It is the kind that changes the writing on your hand, but if you ask a psychic not to read your hand because it is so fucked up, they say it is better if the hand is more well worked than the three line mexican hand, in fact they say the more lines the more possibilities.
I will tell you that something made me turn self destructive. It just didn't make sense to be such a well planted seed to be so wanton-ly destroyed for one persons amusement, or to be so perfect and then to be left alone to masturgBate your life away, I should have been adult loved too, I was flawless, and then everything fell through, the
seemingly world that is there, health, great jobs, and love, then there was nothing.
So I sacrificed my being and assumed illness and lept into hell to see why you people are so evil and fucked up to each other, don't let other people help other people.
The lines on my face have vanished but the fears have been etched into my mind, I did not count on being reborn, I just couldn't be in that perfect form on the outside and then destroyed professionally romantically, I had to destroy the outside to match the way I felt on the inside.
NOw I am reborn, just a little hair lost and new flesh, growing new lungs every day from sto-opping smo-oking.
I have a 850 page manuscript on the desk to my left, to be mailed today for publishing in French and German, I could not have become an artist to write that had I not been burned in life.
Oh I wrote good back then with love and a job and perfect body, I wrote perfect, but now I am fucken a part of the system that destroys as an oversight committee. I understand all things and have a niche.
If you gave me my Tarzan hair back and my rotator cuff, I could not receive perfect health of arm or Jane, I have to accept my life the way it was lived and all the inaction of deciding to do nothing but lay down and die and stab myself anally at intervals to see what it would take to rim out an eye ball.
I love all my faults, I love the monster I am and have become, I accept the dirty old man disease, I accept the complication, the other was a virgin, a golden boy, I have taken that perfect poker chip of a body and gambled it on immortality and seeing what is there in what is not and what is not there in what is, and them fences guarding houses are not there as the locks on the doors keep people in feeding on themselves in dens with sins, and I am more a man on the street with nothing dragging the history of mine I have lived filed away in an ordered mind that never lost his edge of corporality.
WE do not die, and fear will not kill us, we keep living, I hope my future will eclipse my entire past, but I have already won the bet with the devil, now all I have to do is rake in the chips. My older brother has always been an asshole, he is now leaving his wife.
He told me he was going to show me how to do it, marry a small tree and make her grow into a big one, I am fucken in love with big trees they amaze me to the point I am faithful. I will wait till it all comes together, patience and freaking out at the right points of your life evades decades of wasted time. YOu have to be righteoous, you have give the devil his due, and bight off as much as you can chew.