PLEASE NOTE! I am not suicidal in anyway at all. You need not worry this actually being a real farewell note. If I were to off myself (which will never happen), this is what I would write. Again, don't worry. I am NOT suicidal.




I know there is no way I can convince you that what will take place will not be an act of pure selfishness. But I don't care. I am me.

My name is Jordan

I will not live much longer and I wanted to tell someone a little about me. This is the only autobiography that I will ever write.

I was born in Kenora, Ontario 1981 to alcoholic parents. I am Ojiway indian. Because of my birthparents excessive alcohol use my brother and I were eventually adopted.
We were taken in by a loving non-native family where I was the yongest. I had two brothers and three sisters.

As I child I was always a problem stemming from my birth moms alcohol use while she was pregnant with me. Growing up a problem child there were lots of clinical questions that had arisen because of my behaviour.

I don't remember much of my early years but I do remember the rain. I had a fear of it but was soothed because my grandmother she used to tell me that God was in the rain. Now the sound of rain has always felt like home, and my grandmother.

At age 18 I came out to my parents as a bi-sexual. My dad wasn't happy about it nor was my mom. It confused them and confused me, making it more difficult in coming to terms with my identity but they and the rest of my family never stopped loving me.
At this time bi-sexuality and homosexuality was a taboo issue. I remember how "different" became "dangerous." I still don't understand it. Why they hate us so much.

Years earlier when I was 15, I experienced my first male kiss at school while in the yard. His name was Adam.
We were caught kissing again not long later and was scolded by the principal and our teacher.

As teenagers think, we thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew.

Adam did.
I didn't.

Toronto, 2000 I had never been so happy. I'd met a girl named Sebrina in 1999 and eventually we fell deep in love. We decided to move in with one another in a small flat in the citys central west end. We were best friends and lovers.
Those were the best years of my life. We would always buy roses for each other and hang them upside down in our window.
But after a few years of constant clubbing things grew worse and worse and eventually we became distant from one another. Soon there were no more roses, for anyone.

In 2004 we seperated and I left with great sadness. I was lost for a very long time afterwards, seemingly stumbling in a dark unknown place.

I eventually got over it and moved on.
Then years later unbearable sadness took over. Unexplainable.

It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible way, but for years I had family, friends... and roses.
But I shall die soon. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. You must never lose it or give it away. You must never let them take it from you.

I hope that whoever you are, you live a good life.
I hope that when things go wrong, the world turns and that things get better.
But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I will never know you, and even though will never meet you,
laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you,
I love you.
With all my heart. I love you.

Jordan