This is my first proper blog, i'm not counting the other one..
So i started to self harm around 10/11.. still have my oldest scar..
and lately it's been bugging me, telling me to do it again..
i've stopped, i don't want to.. but i'm having a bit of a breakdown and everytime i rely on someone or trust someone they ditch me, abandon me, boot me away.
Everyone assumes i'm this horrible person,
and i'm actually not.. i'm a decent person, but everyone treats me like shit and then judges on my reaction.
I've had sex with one person. Not the once, but yes, one person.
I broke up with him just over a month ago.. and we dated for a year and a half.
I still don't know if he cheated or not, he always said he did.. just to hurt me.
Then changed his mind later.
I got called a fat disgusting whore, told to go die in a fire, called stupid, bitch, he said he hated me..
No it isn't physical abuse but to say that to someone who has been physically and emotionally abused before, it fucking kills it really does.
And having depression is not an excuse when you don't take your fucking pills.
School is stressing me the fuck out, people are stressing me the fuck out,
i hate everything. i hate everyone.
i just want to die..
i know that sounds pathetic, but i do.
I'm past trying to kill myself, i have a little brother to raise.
But if the ground could just eat me up i'd fucking beg it to.
I'm tired of talking to people on a computer.. i wish my real life friends knew how i felt.. like, REALLY knew..
but they won't.. i can't ever tell them it's gotten this bad.
FML.