* random thoughts all at once

* why do guys assume when I state old fashion relationship that I’m asking them to buy a piece of jewellery or something expensive? I can understand past issues about giving a memory gift or a memento gift snd she leaves I can get that and I know that’s a red flag when someone says something like that but I personally think it’s sweet and adorable a memory gift or memento item or something symbolic to be reminded of your friend or lover and if long distance I would also mail a piece if needed etc.

* why don’t understand modern dating? I just don’t? I also don’t comprehend modern dating and makes no sense to me etc. Never does and never will. I just know that’s not who I’m and what I desire because I like some of the old fashion dating standards just not the full thing

* trigger warning ahead for those that have been abused many forms

I was sexual abused by the one that murdered my mother if I didn’t have sex with him I would be hit with a object one time that was a wooden plank. This is why I flinch or duck if a arm is being wrapped around me or something tossed at me for catching like a bag of chips or something needed to be tossed over to one side. This hasn’t gone away in years and I don’t think this ever will change or recover for the trauma I’ve been through. I believe trauma is permanent. You can lower the symptoms or find therapy relief. But that’s only a temporary seal. If you’re a hyper sexual and must have nudes everyday then don’t bother messaging me and as you read before as well I think asking a almost 28 year old with a 9 year old young prince for nudes is disgusting and no manners my belief will ever change.

Also speaking of flinching I’ve a a eye disorder where my eye doesn’t focus and moves around often. This I was born with and nothing caused by the physical abuse but I manly was hit upside the head most of the time. Also I was born bow legged and bird toed. Also my pinky is natural crooked. Also before you say $hit about my dead mother. No she doesn’t smoke or drink. I was just born with defects that is all and I also was very slow to learn and do things and I also was missed diagnosed several times for ADHD when I didn’t have it but back in the 90’s and 2000’s Autism was still unknown systems to lots of doctors etc.

* was my ex always an abuser? No sadly the reason why I left and found out the reason for his aggressive behaviour is because his band mates got him to do heavy drugs because I saw messages from his band mates and his drug dealer. I found hidden acid tabs and shrooms and other drug items in his hidden desk compartment. He never was this way but he changed. This is why I will never talk to one that does drugs

* I can’t talk about this anymore I’m sorry I’m done but if you want to talk remember look at my photos on my page good day!