* random thoughts all at once
* why do guys assume when I state old fashion relationship that I’m asking them to buy a piece of jewellery or something expensive? I can understand past issues about giving a memory gift or a memento gift snd she leaves I can get that and I know that’s a red flag when someone says something like that but I personally think it’s sweet and adorable a memory gift or memento item or something symbolic to be reminded of your friend or lover and if long distance I would also mail a piece if needed etc.
* why don’t understand modern dating? I just don’t? I also don’t comprehend modern dating and makes no sense to me etc. Never does and never will. I just know that’s not who I’m and what I desire because I like some of the old fashion dating standards just not the full thing
* trigger warning ahead for those that have been abused many forms
I was sexual abused by the one that murdered my mother if I didn’t have sex with him I would be hit with a object one time that was a wooden plank. This is why I flinch or duck if a arm is being wrapped around me or something tossed at me for catching like a bag of chips or something needed to be tossed over to one side. This hasn’t gone away in years and I don’t think this ever will change or recover for the trauma I’ve been through. I believe trauma is permanent. You can lower the symptoms or find therapy relief. But that’s only a temporary seal. If you’re a hyper sexual and must have nudes everyday then don’t bother messaging me and as you read before as well I think asking a almost 28 year old with a 9 year old young prince for nudes is disgusting and no manners my belief will ever change.
Also speaking of flinching I’ve a a eye disorder where my eye doesn’t focus and moves around often. This I was born with and nothing caused by the physical abuse but I manly was hit upside the head most of the time. Also I was born bow legged and bird toed. Also my pinky is natural crooked. Also before you say $hit about my dead mother. No she doesn’t smoke or drink. I was just born with defects that is all and I also was very slow to learn and do things and I also was missed diagnosed several times for ADHD when I didn’t have it but back in the 90’s and 2000’s Autism was still unknown systems to lots of doctors etc.
* was my ex always an abuser? No sadly the reason why I left and found out the reason for his aggressive behaviour is because his band mates got him to do heavy drugs because I saw messages from his band mates and his drug dealer. I found hidden acid tabs and shrooms and other drug items in his hidden desk compartment. He never was this way but he changed. This is why I will never talk to one that does drugs
* I can’t talk about this anymore I’m sorry I’m done but if you want to talk remember look at my photos on my page good day!
TheLoveOfDracula's Blog
Get to know me. I’m not crazy
* Sensitive topic ahead. Don’t read if you’re in a very depressed mood today or in a very dark place of your mind. This is a trigger warning.
So I’ll probably be taking a break here for awhile my head is filled with self doubt and why people hate me. I feel bad for asking why someone doesn’t want to talk to me anymore or do you like talking to me. I’ve gotten two blocks recently asking do you like talking to me? I also discussed about I’m putting my 📱 down for a few hours because I don’t feel like talking this seems to come out aggressive to some people and I don’t understand or have any comprehension of this behaviour being reflected onto that person. I know there is a few people I pissed off because I told them I wait for them to text me. I always feel like a bother. I question tons about myself. My existence. Who I’m. Why do I have to exist here in this physical plane. What is wrong with me. What if. But you get the gist of what I’m saying. However I understand that this is probably a strand of past trauma. I’ve heard and researched childhood or teenage trauma can effect someone permanently. Some struggle for years or feels like an eternity to find self acceptance and self love or some don’t find that at all and constantly fight themselves which is what I’m and I self combat myself tons. I’ve also been a victim of sexual and physical abuse which I was forced to see a psychologist about possible having PTSD. Which I’ve. I also have papers but if people want to see them for proof I’ll will be editing my name out and good luck reading my doctor’s hand writing did take me ages to read his handwriting. I needed his paperwork to get beneficial help from a health centre place which also adds up to more me than health issues such as. Chronic depression. Mild adaptive behaviour I quite don’t understand what this means even researching. Autism however the psychological tester didn’t say what kind I had as their purpose was to test me to see what I qualify for benefits. I also had borderline intellect disorder which now I guess doctors are replacing the term borderline mentally retarded. I don’t understand these either my communication score was 61. Daily living skills is 58 which I don’t understand how because I’m functioning and can do daily house task. My socialisation score is 42 which sounds like to me barely functional. My IQ was 79 I know my IQ was no higher than 85 so 79-85 I would’ve to look at the paper. That’s probably because I failed at half of the math problems the tester was asking and I could only do 8th grade comprehension reading. The tester would ask if I knew what this word meant etc. I’m still waiting on another update for my caseworker for further going into my benefits etc.
* This is a massive trigger warning please don’t read this if you’ve lost a loved one to murder! If you’ve and can’t read this I completely understand. My mother was murdered because I didn’t want to be in that abusive and sexual relationship anymore. I didn’t think he would drive the distance to randomly show up at my parent’s house and he came after my dad left for work and busted in. While my mother shield herself my son hid and he was 4 or 5 at the time while I ran to call the police. If you don’t believe me there is a 911 report online I can show but you would’ve to be a demented person to make up stuff what I typed out. He also held me down as I herd him come closer to where I was hiding before I busted free right as the police busted the door open. I didn’t even see my son or anywhere. But according to my son he said he saw everything. What I saw and the only thing I saw when I got out was my mother’s blood smeared on the wall. I’m sorry but I can’t keep typing this but I’m sorry but let me end this.
* please don’t tell me to get over myself about what happened about my sexual abuse and mental abuse. In May first would be the fourth year sense my mother has been gone from me and things won’t just go poof bye! If you think someone can magically get over the trauma I’ve been through you’re completely nuts and you’re the one that’s crazy not me!
* if you had what has happened to me sense I’ve been alive I can guarantee you wouldn’t be the same person and you never will be
* if you don’t like that I’m a single parent and can’t be friends with me I’m sorry you feel that way but please have respect and don’t ask a almost 28 year old mother for nudes and don’t disrespect me
* the guy that is now dead by the police is not the father of my son. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to discuss getting full custody to a random person. That’s too personal. I’m down about answering questions but not to personal! That includes what happened on that day May first in detail I will not talk about that! Also for my blogs when you read them I will answer questions just remember if it’s too personal just respect my boundaries! Good day!
* do I do anything about my problems? I was forced to see a therapist and a psychiatrist or I would go to jail for my frantic behaviour as I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I no longer have insurance and I’m trying to fight to get that back so I treat myself with meditation and spirituality and remembering a samurai code Jin and holistic herbs or holistic medication like GABA and HTP-5 if I get into a frantic haze again and take other things. Such as passionflower and I’ve not tried lemon balm as that’s hard to find. Magnesium as well before bed helps along with Valerian ever sense I’ve been taking Valerian my sleep issues from PTSD and frantic thinking before bed has massively been reduced. However don’t purchase Nature Way as I think that’s ineffective for me. Yeah I’ve tried melatonin but I got tired of gummy form and is more expensive than Valerian. For Valerian at Walmart you can get a 100 count under $4 and the secondary best is Now brand which is under $7 and Solaray is third because that one takes longer to kick in. I know it’s not fun taking three pills every other day but I found without Valeiran my sleep would’ve been extremely jacked up. I know this because I decided to stop taking Valerian for a whole week and to my surprise guess what happened? My sleep was jacked up and I was up at 6-7 a.m. in the morning my mind racing and couldn’t sleep. So never again without Valerian. Yeah Valerian is smelly but that doesn’t bother me also with flavoured water things taste as normal. Another thing as well I’ve researched Valerian root is also what helps ween off past Xanax users as well.
* I’m also awful at conversations be prepared to also feel frustrated that I can’t think of anything but go ahead and block me because I’m misunderstood. I’m sorry but this is the last time I’ll say this but you’ve to be demented to fake this trauma out to everyone on this site for attention. I mean that’s fucked up in so many ways. Also if you plan to message me harassing things I’ll block you and report you. I’m not crazy or psychopathic or insane you’re. You want to tell me to grow up and get over myself from all the trauma I’ve been through. Just no!
* I do have a personal blog that is a few links long that is a must to read. Please understand you’ve plenty of time to read. Even a week or two just let me know when done!
If you want my contacts look at my photo album. I only have what you see listed besides Google Hangouts if you’ve that you can message me on either one of those platforms I’ve that you would like to GH instead.
So I’ll probably be taking a break here for awhile my head is filled with self doubt and why people hate me. I feel bad for asking why someone doesn’t want to talk to me anymore or do you like talking to me. I’ve gotten two blocks recently asking do you like talking to me? I also discussed about I’m putting my 📱 down for a few hours because I don’t feel like talking this seems to come out aggressive to some people and I don’t understand or have any comprehension of this behaviour being reflected onto that person. I know there is a few people I pissed off because I told them I wait for them to text me. I always feel like a bother. I question tons about myself. My existence. Who I’m. Why do I have to exist here in this physical plane. What is wrong with me. What if. But you get the gist of what I’m saying. However I understand that this is probably a strand of past trauma. I’ve heard and researched childhood or teenage trauma can effect someone permanently. Some struggle for years or feels like an eternity to find self acceptance and self love or some don’t find that at all and constantly fight themselves which is what I’m and I self combat myself tons. I’ve also been a victim of sexual and physical abuse which I was forced to see a psychologist about possible having PTSD. Which I’ve. I also have papers but if people want to see them for proof I’ll will be editing my name out and good luck reading my doctor’s hand writing did take me ages to read his handwriting. I needed his paperwork to get beneficial help from a health centre place which also adds up to more me than health issues such as. Chronic depression. Mild adaptive behaviour I quite don’t understand what this means even researching. Autism however the psychological tester didn’t say what kind I had as their purpose was to test me to see what I qualify for benefits. I also had borderline intellect disorder which now I guess doctors are replacing the term borderline mentally retarded. I don’t understand these either my communication score was 61. Daily living skills is 58 which I don’t understand how because I’m functioning and can do daily house task. My socialisation score is 42 which sounds like to me barely functional. My IQ was 79 I know my IQ was no higher than 85 so 79-85 I would’ve to look at the paper. That’s probably because I failed at half of the math problems the tester was asking and I could only do 8th grade comprehension reading. The tester would ask if I knew what this word meant etc. I’m still waiting on another update for my caseworker for further going into my benefits etc.
* This is a massive trigger warning please don’t read this if you’ve lost a loved one to murder! If you’ve and can’t read this I completely understand. My mother was murdered because I didn’t want to be in that abusive and sexual relationship anymore. I didn’t think he would drive the distance to randomly show up at my parent’s house and he came after my dad left for work and busted in. While my mother shield herself my son hid and he was 4 or 5 at the time while I ran to call the police. If you don’t believe me there is a 911 report online I can show but you would’ve to be a demented person to make up stuff what I typed out. He also held me down as I herd him come closer to where I was hiding before I busted free right as the police busted the door open. I didn’t even see my son or anywhere. But according to my son he said he saw everything. What I saw and the only thing I saw when I got out was my mother’s blood smeared on the wall. I’m sorry but I can’t keep typing this but I’m sorry but let me end this.
* please don’t tell me to get over myself about what happened about my sexual abuse and mental abuse. In May first would be the fourth year sense my mother has been gone from me and things won’t just go poof bye! If you think someone can magically get over the trauma I’ve been through you’re completely nuts and you’re the one that’s crazy not me!
* if you had what has happened to me sense I’ve been alive I can guarantee you wouldn’t be the same person and you never will be
* if you don’t like that I’m a single parent and can’t be friends with me I’m sorry you feel that way but please have respect and don’t ask a almost 28 year old mother for nudes and don’t disrespect me
* the guy that is now dead by the police is not the father of my son. I don’t feel it’s appropriate to discuss getting full custody to a random person. That’s too personal. I’m down about answering questions but not to personal! That includes what happened on that day May first in detail I will not talk about that! Also for my blogs when you read them I will answer questions just remember if it’s too personal just respect my boundaries! Good day!
* do I do anything about my problems? I was forced to see a therapist and a psychiatrist or I would go to jail for my frantic behaviour as I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I no longer have insurance and I’m trying to fight to get that back so I treat myself with meditation and spirituality and remembering a samurai code Jin and holistic herbs or holistic medication like GABA and HTP-5 if I get into a frantic haze again and take other things. Such as passionflower and I’ve not tried lemon balm as that’s hard to find. Magnesium as well before bed helps along with Valerian ever sense I’ve been taking Valerian my sleep issues from PTSD and frantic thinking before bed has massively been reduced. However don’t purchase Nature Way as I think that’s ineffective for me. Yeah I’ve tried melatonin but I got tired of gummy form and is more expensive than Valerian. For Valerian at Walmart you can get a 100 count under $4 and the secondary best is Now brand which is under $7 and Solaray is third because that one takes longer to kick in. I know it’s not fun taking three pills every other day but I found without Valeiran my sleep would’ve been extremely jacked up. I know this because I decided to stop taking Valerian for a whole week and to my surprise guess what happened? My sleep was jacked up and I was up at 6-7 a.m. in the morning my mind racing and couldn’t sleep. So never again without Valerian. Yeah Valerian is smelly but that doesn’t bother me also with flavoured water things taste as normal. Another thing as well I’ve researched Valerian root is also what helps ween off past Xanax users as well.
* I’m also awful at conversations be prepared to also feel frustrated that I can’t think of anything but go ahead and block me because I’m misunderstood. I’m sorry but this is the last time I’ll say this but you’ve to be demented to fake this trauma out to everyone on this site for attention. I mean that’s fucked up in so many ways. Also if you plan to message me harassing things I’ll block you and report you. I’m not crazy or psychopathic or insane you’re. You want to tell me to grow up and get over myself from all the trauma I’ve been through. Just no!
* I do have a personal blog that is a few links long that is a must to read. Please understand you’ve plenty of time to read. Even a week or two just let me know when done!
If you want my contacts look at my photo album. I only have what you see listed besides Google Hangouts if you’ve that you can message me on either one of those platforms I’ve that you would like to GH instead.