-Late last night-

The orange, plastic, cylinder sits alone on the counter. I sigh as I pass it on the way out of the door. My mind flashing back to the previous night. I remember my hand grasping around the bottle, my finger working to pop of the white child safety lock cap. Then shaking it violently pouring out at least 9 white pills. Why I do this to myself you may ask? Maybe this would explain it better...

Tantalizing lights dance in my head they are beautiful shades and magnificent hues. My mind floats like a boat down a current of thoughts. I never can seem to grasp what I'm thinking or even remember an ounce of what I used to know. I can't seem to be able to count my sins on my hands anymore, I lose all hope in the world in anything greater then myself. I close my eyes tight and wait for this feeling to pass. It seems to go from dark to light and back again. I stumble down the hallway. Stopping shortly outside of my parents room.

"Its all your fault!!!!" I hear my mother scream at him.

"My fault? You say its my fault? So its my fault your a failure, my fault we lost everything?" He yells back, lungs wobbling on each spoken words. Yet the unspoken words, the ones know one hears but me. I can here it now. 'I'm sorry I love you... can please forgive me, but my pride is to much it gets in the way.' I roll my eyes and blink back tears. If only he would say it. Admit he is nothing without her.

"No it's your fault that we don't have money because you keep investing all of it into your dead end dreams!!" She cries out. A fresh batch of tears streaming down her face.

He looks taken aback. I can see him stager as if each word daggers piercing through his heart.

"You know I try had to provide for this family!!" He screeches. His face flushing a crimson red.

"You try and you fail... everything you try at you fail. I can't take it anymore!!" She chokes out. "Please I just need some time alone to think. I have been thinking about this lately actually." she whispers in a soft hurt voice. "I think it is best if I take the children and leave." I can see now she is picking up a nearby suitcase and inching ever so slightly to the door. The door that shields me from their eyes and conceals my presence.

"No!" He shouts at her. Moving and blocking the door. "You wont leave me and give up hope."

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay..." Tears blindly her eyes.

"No! I said no!" Then he jumps. Its a flash a blur. He is on top of her pulling and yanking the suitcase out of her hands. She struggles back. Teeth finding sink and sinking in. I stand there my eyes transfixed on my parents. I feel my hands pushing the door in and mindlessly walking into the room. They turn around to see me. I must look almost as pitiful as they do. My black hair messy and fierce going in every which way. Tears staining my cheeks, my breath uneven and lost.

"Stop..." I whispers out. "Get off of her and stop."

No one moves or even makes an effort to resume a more pleasant stature.

"I SAID GET OFF OF HER!!!" I yell out again. I see him flinch back and stand up. I run to my mother and help her pick herself up. Whisper in her ear that thing will be ok, to get her bags and we can leave, we can go away. I feel my fathers eyes on my back glaring yet he does nothing to stop us. She goes out and starts the car, I run and grab my sleeping baby brother out of his crib along with his baby bag and a few toys and blankets. I rush down the steps past my crying and pleading father and into the old red pick up truck. My mother says nothing its nothing, but silence.I now feel the affect of the pills. It gets hazy and dark and my mind goes blank. I'm past out in the front of the pick up truck. My sleeping baby brother in hand, distraught mother at the wheel. And none of us realize the oncoming delivery truck in time to stop.

12:39 Friday July 14 a baby boy, 13 year old girl, and their mother where killed in a car crash. The father committed suicide 2 hours later leaving a note saying he couldn't take the feeling of feeling alone.