Sitting, thinking, wondering; how often I do so.
Pondering things that no one, no matter how, would know.
Have you evre felt as though you were a void in everyone's life?
If not, then you wouldn't know my feelings of confusion, hatred, and strife.

I know that I don't have it bad, my life is reather good and prosperous.
The feelings and thoughts that I have, though, make me feel preposterous.
I am not seeking attentionor special care of any sort.
But my feelings of belonging and happiness have been cut abruptly short.

Years of being taunted, teased, and made fun of have finally caught up with me.
My random sadness and quiet spells are not something that everyone will see.
I am not always so sad; for every sad moment, there is an equally happy one.
But there has been many times in my life when I wanted to live in darkness and never see the sun.

Apathy, rage, depression; there has been many times where I wish I wasn't alive.
But I pursue life, in hopes of findingsomething in which I can thrive.
To explain how I feel, and for you to understand it, you might as well read the entire dictionarywithin a single day.
How I wish to find someone to tell my feelings to and have them understand everything that I have to say.

I wish to be fully happy in life; how I wish to feel as though my meaning was real.
The cause of these words are not of what you think; I just wanted to express how I feel.
I wish that I could please all in my life, but I know now that that is not possible.
I am who I am, but if I have to change who I am to please all, that would not be plausable.

Sometimes I want to live, sometimes I want to die; my feelings are always a mixture.
I just wish in life to have my own place, my own fixture.
But I don't want to be the same as all; I just want to be accpeted for who I am.
After living my life, seeing all that I have seen, I can finally see that no one really gives a damn.

Do you think that you know me? Or that you understand all that I have come to be?
Try me, and we shall see what you have to say of my entity.
Regardless of who you are, I wouldn't change who I am in all the eternity.
Do you think that you can comprehand what is before you to see?

Sitting in my darkened room; tears are falling.
My heart is broken; I feel like bawling.
We used to be so close, now so far apart.
Now I see you, I no longer feel a part.

Sitting here, regretting it all.
I fell for you, now I truly fall.
Each day we met, I grew more to you.
As time grew, I started to fall in love with you.

Knowing it will never be; I felt like dying.
Watching you with him, I’ve started crying.
Hating myself for what I’ve become; decaying heart.
I never knew; so much pain I did not anticipate at the start.

I grew to love you, adore you; I was happy.
Now my heart lays broken; I am never happy.
I would’ve died for you; so much like my heart has done so now.
My heart now broken; I will never take another vow.

You are so beautiful; I grew to love your eyes.
Knowing nothing will come of it, my heart dies.
I love you; this is why I’m staying out of your life.
I die more as I write these words, like my heart being stabbed with a knife.

They say if you truly love something, you must let it go.
After recent times; now why, I know.
I loved you, with all of my being.
Though I lay here crying, you were still worth seeing.

Now I say my final goodbye; it pains me.
I loved you so much, now I’ll let you be.
I understand it, we will never be together.
I will still love you, always and forever.

Wishing that I could tell you, my feelings are hidden.
Wanting to tell you it all; my feelings for you seem forbidden.
Eager to see your beauty, lost in your ravishing eyes.
Dying to embrace you, never wanting to say the goodbyes.

Cherishing each moment I spend with you, feeling weightless.
Without you in my life, I feel worthless.
Hearing your voice, it makes me smile.
If you’d just give me an inch, I’d take your heart a mile.

Knowing my efforts are futile, still I try.
Each time I fail, a little piece of me will die.
Remaining persistent, I press on to prove my worth.
The warmth you give my heart, replicating that of a hearth.

Every time I see your beautiful face, love and hate collide.
Waiting for the day it might; I abide.
Awareness now grows clear; it’ll never be.
The truth of failure; now I see.

Making my departure, I quit my efforts to win you over.
Remaining friends, we are not completely over.
Now I say goodbye, my true feelings diminish.
My pursuit of happiness, for now, makes its finish.

Patiently waiting, all throughout the day.
Yearning to hear your voice again, listening to everything you have to say.
A single word from your lips, making me smile; you are flawless.
Thinking of you, every day; without you, I am useless.

You make me smile; you need not work hard at doing so
To feel the touch of your hand upon my face; to hear your words whispered into my ear; patiently waiting so.
To hear those three little words, ever so eager.
Your soothing voice, my legs grow weaker.

Watching my phone, awaiting your calls.
Every time you say my name, I am the happiest of all.
Waiting for a single kiss from your sweet lips, I’ll wait a thousand years.
Hearing your cries, unable to hold you in my arms; one of my worst of fears.

Until we meet, when we can hold hands for the first time.
I write this poem for you, love within each rhyme.
Never forget me; remember these words of truth are right.
Around the corner, true love is just in sight.

Smiles and kisses; happy thoughts of the new.
How I’ve fallen for you, this I knew.
Holding hands, walking through the park.
Unaware the journey I’m to embark.

Silent vows, we whisper to one another.
Loving you, it’s like no other.
Side by side, walking through the rain.
“I love you,” you said. “You keep me sane.”

Thinking of you; endless nights of thought.
Yearning to see your face once again, this urge is not easily fought.
Sitting under a tree, head on my lap.
The way to my heart, you need not a map.

Crying from my heartbroken past; penetrating lies.
You come to me, you see my cries.
With a smile, your mesmerizing voice mends.
Your sweet, caring ways, my heartbroken cry ends.

Held in my arms, lost in your beautiful eyes.
To look away, even for a single second, my heart dies.
The very thought of you, it brings a smile into my life.
Without you by my side, I have no life.

Hold me tight, don’t let go; I’ll never be the same.
You’re the only girl for me; let me kiss you in the rain.
When you’re gone, my heart writhers in pain.
The thought of having your kiss once again, it keeps me sane.

The first time I saw you, I’ve never been so bashful.
Admiring you from afar, you are so beautiful.
Knowing one day, I would make you mine.
I fell in love; you make my heart shine.

Hand in hand, smiling; ever so softly, we kiss.
Never happier in my life; sweet bliss.
I will forever love you; to you I’ll remain true.
There is no other for me; I love you.

This felling of uselessness, hatred, overwhelming inside of me.
The pain and scars I bear, I hide from all to see.
The mask of happiness, falsest of all.
Depression, suicidal thoughts; tears fall.

Each night I cry, due to your heartbreaking ways.
Wanting to die, end my pain; false were your words of the yesterdays.
You took my heart, filling it with nothing but lies.
Walking alone, away from all; heartbroken cries.

The smiling face you see everyday, lying mask covers my face.
Bleeding my pain away, I’m nothing more than a disgrace.
Pain is consuming, tearing at my sanity.
Self-loathing is inundating; vanity.

Lost in your beauty, your lies well hidden.
Thoughts of freeing my pain; thoughts of the forbidden.
Sitting here in tears, hatred intensifies in myself.
Hiding the pain, no one knows but myself.

Scars and tears are the only truth; demoralizing my mind.
Happiness and joy, though false, is all you find.
Laughs and smiles while amongst friends, cries and sorrow are true inside.
Death, blood, slow and painful; I abide.

Kill me slowly, end my pain and sorrow.
Let my death pursue me today, let not it be that of tomorrow.
Tears continue to run, atop of my grave.
You broke my heart; even after all my love to you I gave.

With this blade, driven with all my might, target lays within my heart.
The final smile, truthful; with my tears, blood takes its start.
Collapsing onto the floor. My final words escape my lips:
“I love you, this is my last goodbye.”
I am dead, my final tear drips.







C.O.D.: Suicide
Victim: Edward C. M.
Time: 20:26
Date: 24 April, ‘08

Dark is my heart, dark is my mind.
Why is the world so cruel, and barley kind?

Hide myself from the world, never letting anyone in.
Hide myself from everyone; my happiness is O so thin.

Cut to ease the pain, cut to forget.
Cut to release my sadness, for what I've come to regret.

Lonely am I, lonely I shall be.
Tired of the way people are, hating me for being me.

Dark is my heart, dark is my mind.
Only happiness is you on my mind.

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
You gave me an inch and I took you a mile.
I held your hand, I took your pain.
You're the only one who keeps me sane.

You would fall, they broke your heart.
I was there to pick you up, right from the very start.
You never knew, I feared it so.
You had my heart all along, but you did not know.

I loved you before you knew; I loved you all along.
You are the one for me, this I know is not wrong.
You have my heart, as I have yours.
With you by my side, I feel like I can fly over all the shores.

You have no idea; you never knew.
I have always been in love with you.
I will be here to wipe all your tears; I will protect you from all your fears.
I want you here by my side, with me for years and years.

Take my hand and you shall see.
You and I, we are meant to be.
You complete me, my heart is sheer.
I will scream your name for all to hear.

You stole my heart, you took my breath away.
You are in my thoughts, from the dead of night to the end of day.
You are the love of my life; you are my reason of living.
I love you, with all of my soul and being.

I will stay by your side, never leaving you in a moment of need.
My love for you, all will heed.
You are my love; you're the one I want to be with.
Our love is so great, it seems as though it's a myth.

My love for you is completely true, our love is so pure.
Our love is a contagion that has no cure.
I will love you, always and forever.
Our love is so great, it will never sever.

You are my heart, you are my soul; you are the one who completes me.
My love for you, I want all to see.
Never will I use you, never will I lie.
To see you in pain, I'd writher and die.

I love you, more and more with each passing day.
You are my light in a cave, as bright as a sun ray.
You are the reason I rise each morning, my only means of being.
Your beauty is worth my life, just for the seeing.

For a single kiss from you, I would die a thousand deaths in a single instant.
For I want to be with you, each and every passing moment.
With you by my side, everything is O so clear.
Losing you from my life, that is my greatest fear.

You are my sunshine, you are the wind in my face.
Everywhere I go, I see you and me in that place.

I'll hold your hand, hold tight in mine.
I'll take you an a flight, deep into the moon shine.

I'll stay by your side, no matter what happens.
With you by my side, I feel like anything can happen.

You are my heart, you are my soul; you complete me.
You and I together, I think that's how it should be.

I love you, I won't hurt you.
These are common words to me.
I'll stay with you forever, that's what they all said.
Why am I so easy to hurt? Why do they lie to me?

They hold me, kiss me, lie to me.
Why must this always happen to me?
Why are they such liars? Why are they such whores?

I fall for you, you fall for me.
I'm the happiest guy alive; I've never felt better.
You lie to me, hurt me, cheat on me, why?
Am I too nice? Dying would feel so much better.

Why do they throw me to the side? Why are the so heartless?
Why are the nice guys hurt, the ones who actually care?
Why do we fall for the whores? Why do they do this to us?
Why is love hurtfull, why is it so rare?

I love you, I want to be with you, LIES!
They don't care, you didn't care at all.
You left me in tears, hating myself for falling so hard for you.

I'm done with it, I'm done with it all.
Out of my dead dead hand a pill bottle will fall.
Carved in my arm is, "I loved you."
All this was caused by you!

You lie to me, hurt me, what did I do to deserve this?
I hope you realize what you had, now that I'm gone, gone forever.
I hope you feel the pain I've felt.

I loved you, I really did.
But you just tore my heart, like I didn't have one at all.
I hate you, look what you've created.
I hope you realize what you've lost as you wacth my lifeless body fall.

Tears run down your face, you realize it happens.
In a flash, I am out of your life.
You will live with the regret; you will die from the pain.
With the knife I used on my arm, you take your own life.

Hoping you'd see me, all you sii is emptyness.
Now you know how it feels to lose true love.
Now you know the pain you brought upon me.