I have a poetry reading gig at a coffee house, and if the audience likes what they hear I may get to do featured artist sets which are about 1 hour in length, but seeing as how tonight they're having more people than I'm used to really, I have to step in with some of my poems, for some reason dark depressing poems usually win over crowds, and that's been proven to me because I've done it before at previous poetry readings. I wonder who all is going in support of me. because I have a feeling all the other acts are going to have people supporting them. I can't wait until I release dying words, yet it's still two poems that I need to re-write and lacking being put into book form yet or a publisher as well, but that's all, that's really needed for chapter one's release. that's one's name is beyond the gates of insanity. the second chapter will bring even more harassment and stir up even more conflict from catholic and christian groups seeing as how alot of the chapters that I had written most of the chapter talk poorly of god, and the latest chapter that I've been working on, the first series of books are pritty much written. they talk about many different subjects. many may not believe me but you'd have to read it. but some have read some of it and seen certain differences.

when I posted the band's logo a bit ago, it had a pitch black background with the white lettering, and now if you look in the background, it looks like there's 5 shadows in the background, which is really cool, because what's weird is there's going to be a fifth member of world of echos we're just looking for them because jamie doesn't want to fucking jam as the only guitarist because there's more power behind two guitarists. the band is awesome looking as well. well that's all I really wanted to say, but we all know that shit will get really really really fucking complicated soon enough yet it will get slightly easier at the same time. which is really ackword but it'll run alot more smoothely. so that'll be awesome.

today's jam session was the shit, the guy who's the possibilty for drummer, has an awesome fucking set up, and equipment is crazy as hell, has enough to keep the band fully stocked on equipment, but that's if we jam at his house each time. but I mean, finally a drummer who knows what the fuck he's doing. and someone else who's knowledgeable with band shit besides myself, jon couldn't make it though even though we kept trying to get a hold of him. his name is Derek Bell and he was in a band called backlash. I felt a weird feeling playing guitar with a drummer there helping me further the process of the songs. I hope he does decide to join as a full time member, not as a session. because he's really awesome at guitar. and seeing as how last time there was a band session, there was only jon and myself, derek wasn't too sure if he was able to jam, but he was supposed to get in touch with me, but hadn't, and today we jammed for the first time and he caught on really quickly. it was awesome, the three of us so far are on the same page, and our desires for the band are unique. and it's great.

we had band practice again today, and we were going to jam with a bassist but he got into a fender bender when he was leaving the bowling alley. the drummer showed, finally for once, but came with his girlfriend, she was cool, but they were obiviously high on crack. we were somewhat productive, and the end of the practice right before jamie (guitarist) was about to stablize the newest song with parrot (drummer). and I was about to start screaming and trying to add vocals with what little equipment that I have. well we had to call practice earlier than expected due to the parrot's girlfriend experiencing a seasure. and seeing as how during each band practice so far I've felt a bit of a buzz and am feeling pritty good from drinking, that killed it and sobered me up right away. over all, it was the most productive but one of the most eventful practices. shit could of gone alot differently. and I wish it had.

the responses I've given to people lately have appeared censored and with out swears, and shit, and that's not my fault but it is because I have been in the middle of a move and I'm still trying to get a legit fucking internet source and the one I have been able to get to hasn't been allowing me to do shit on there. and it kinda really sucks. it took out the swears. which is kinda bullshit.

World Of Echos

Black/Death/Thrash metal band is:

looking for bassist with atleast about 3 or 4 years of exp. must be 18 or older and must have own transportation, and own equipment, and be willing to play must live in plainfield or surrounding towns, and can be either male or female

influences are Fear Factory, Chimaira, Thine Eyes Bleed, Meshuggah, Cradle Of Filth, Six Feet Under, God Forbid, HateBreed, Slayer, Machine Head, LambOfGod, Cannibal Corpse, Pantera, Opeth. Old Man's Child etc.


look at the band's myspace page and send reponses either to:

the band semi-directly:
www.myspace.com/worldofechos

or

Rafael M.:
home phone: (815)-577-6286
Email: Deityofthedead@hotmail.com
or
atnightsend1776@hotmail.com
or
www.myspace.com/deadayon

or

Jon W.:
Email: LambOfGod1793@hotmail.com
or
www.myspace.com/theguitaristfromhell

I was going to put a pic of myself playing my guitar to show who ever that read my profile that I"m not just sitting around on my ass and not being productive, and would actually see me creating parts of songs. or something. but seeing as how my mom doesn't like me to have a life or certain shit, she deleted all my pics of myself. wow, that fucking blows, and it's about now that I am getting sick of being single. because even I kinda miss having someone there for me, but so far there's no one, because I have like 3 new poems on the other computer with no internet, and I'd have to find them and shit, but yeah, besides hanging out with my band or friends or writing or looking for a job, or playing music. or practicing, I"m kinda lazy at times and I'm having one of those times right now. but last night was crazy. didn't expect half of the shit that happened. and damn, the one time I actually clean my room no one can be out until about 9 or 10 except for andrew. and that guy is really cool, but he usually says, and i'm guessing it's a habit but he says "that's terrible" or "it's terrible" or "it was terrible", it kinda reminds me of a kid, but everyone atleast had a childhood that was worth remembering and was atleast good, I had to wind up with the fucked up and shitty childhood. it really sucked. but oh well, as long as I'm like I am that's fine. I'm starting to like myself. but I don't know why. I spend alot of time with alot of hatred for myself and others, and now I'm not like that anymore. I hate so many people but I don't hate myself as much anymore. but still hold a lot of hatred for a whole bunch of other things.

for some reason each holiday I seem to have except for halloween seems to fall to shit, halloween was fun, because I was drinking and getting high until 5 in the fucking morning, but some how everything is bullshit.

*I'm not at all a religious person at all, but I do hate jesus christ because his liars send me all sorts of death threats*


we are approaching yet another end of the year, but that fucking cunt's birthday is coming as well, the day of the supposed birth of christ. Jesus Christ...what a faggot. I've never been too fond of x-mas. not as though I care about what image I present of myself, what kind of a blasphemous crazy ass psychotic lunatic would I be if I'm that way except for one day of the year, then I'd be a fucking flake, just like all these fucking soft ass cocksuckers who think their evil, when they themselves get grossed out at the mear sight of blood. that or cringe at the talk of suicide or the details of someone wanting to kill someone. when everything from a crazy insane person scares the fucking shit out of them. but being concidered as one of the truely evil, I have met some of the people just like me. they're out there, and we're waiting for the time to strike. alot of people I've met though a fucking hypocrites. just like these racist skinheads, who sit there and hate hispanic people but listen to slayer, wake the fuck up, tom araya is hispanic as fucking well. or listen to cypress hill, same shit, you're listening to people you hate, so drop the whole racist bullshit, because if you were truely racist, you wouldn't listen to slayer or cypress hill or whatever else that has hispanics or black or whatever in it. oh and again to evil wanna-bees, Evil people fear nothing and we show it, and there's nothing really left of our souls or spirits. just hatred and bitterness.

I"m not good at writing in my journals online when it comes to speaking my mind. I can talk about my band and my book I've been writing but what the fuck is that? that's only so far ideas after ideas that I"ve been working at. and tonight I've had a streak of creativity with the guitar riffs when coming up with shit. but I don't think jon wants to stick around with the band. but I don't know. that'd be up to him if he wants to go. everyone's free to go as they want. not everyone's able to come into it though. I think brittany is trying to make me jealous. but why should I grow jealous over something I didn't want back in the first place. but everything goes wrong because it's either I don't care about much anymore, or there's nothing really left to care about anymore. the more I think the more depressing the thoughts, and I fucking hate it. but every other day I get a strain of crazy morbid thoughts which make me question why I was released from the hospital. ehh. whatever. I want a new girlfriend because then I can get my mind off of alot of shit, and I know pot will help me forget, but ya know, I need a way that will help me forget and won't fuck up my chances to getting a fucking job. like a new girlfriend or something. or I need my band to stop fucking falling apart on me and members stop leaving. it's not going to get anywhere if that keeps happening.