One minute i am in a world of bliss
Next minute somethings amiss
Im so lost and confused
Happy and ecstatic at the same time
Is he really happy?
Am i really his love?
Am i going to be tossed aside again?
These are the questions im having
Hoping its just all im my head
But at times it feels like im losing my grip
Just trying not to slip
Loving every loving minute of this
But hoping its not just a short trip
Needing comfort and reassurance
Its there but then its not
Not knowing what the future holds
Kind of scares me
Hoping im not lost and abandoned in the end
Just hoping this doesn't end
Butterflies in my stomach
Smile on my face
Just wanting everything to be ok
Just feel as if I'm losing in the end
Hoping and hoping he's really happy
Im trying so hard to be positive
But the look on his face gives me uncertainty
He says he's happy over and over
But his eyes say something else
Hoping im not his hell
Hoping he sees the same future i see
I just want to be happy
And i just want him happy

Who am i
Am i the one who just is there?
Am i the one who is supposed to care?
I feel like im nothing
To anybody
Im not special
Im not important
Im just a girl who's lost
A girl who fell for love
A girl who's been devastated
A girl who's been hurt
Who can i trust?
All i know is those who walk out
Those who gave up on me
Am i not worth the fight??
Am i just a nobody??
Why do i feel this way??
Why am i the one everyone hates??
I want complete happiness but is that possible??
Can i be a girl with a purpose??
Can i be the one for someone??
I love with every being of me
But i dont always receive it back
I dont want to be alone
I dont want to be unhappy
I want a family together forever
But i dont see this possiblity
If the enemy was gone
Where would that leave me?
Who ever would want me??

I thought love could endure anything
I thought love was happiness
All i ever see is the darkness
How do i believe the lies being told
How do i continue to have ahold
I wish i could empty my heart
Empty my feelings
I wish i could just forgive and forget
But now all i feel is dread
Haunted by the existence of the past
Haunted by the neverending facts
I wish i could have a place
In the heart of my love
But of course im not the one loved
I wish i was the only one
I wish i could have a specific place
I wish i could just end it all
So i didn't have to feel anything
No sadness,no anger,no loneliness and no hate
I want to be set free away from this place
Out of this life
Tortured by this agony and depression
I wish all would just go away
I wish i didn't want to stay

I'm so sick of all this
I can't keep going on like this
I'm tired of feeling worthless
I'm tired of feeling like I'm wrong
This life isn't what I wanted
This isn't where I want to be
I want to be normal
I want to be free
Everything I do is wrong
All I see are lies
I can't keep being this way
I can't keep dying inside
I want to be dead
I want to leave this life
I feel like I'm no one
I feel like all I do is cause everyone pain
I'm not worth all this fuss
I'm worth nothing
I always cause problems
Just from the words of my mouth
Just from the thoughts in my head
I wish I'd be removed from this life
For I'm better of dead
Hate is all that motivates everyone in my life
I'm not allowed to be happy
In my miserable life
I wish I was able to be be that one
That everyone wants me to be
I'm so tired of everything
I'm wish I can just be let be
I want to fade to black
Never open my eyes again
For I want my eternal death
Then I wouldn't say, do or think that someone would need to forgive
I want out of this life
But no such luck
It seems I'm forever stuck

I feel empty
I feel lost
This just isn't me
I used to be happy
I used to have hope
What happened
Who have I become
Who made me this way
I just wish the screams would go away
I wish the suicidal thoughts would go away
I hate who I am
I hate who I've become
I can't breathe around anyone
I feel like I'm being suffocated
The sadness is too strong
The black heart I have
Is who I've become
I try to be normal
I try to be who I was
I fight within myself
But the darkness has won
There is no going back
There is no who I was
For I have become this empty
Shelled person with the black
Darkness within my heart and soul
I have loved I have lost
But nothing seems to fix me
There is no quick fix
For I am forever broken
And forever stuck like this

Having no feelings
Feeling betrayed
Wanting all these emotions
To just go the fuck away
I hate being me
I hate how I keep feeling
I can't keep going on like this
Feeling lost in the distance
I can't breath suffocating over my thoughts
Suffocating over my dreams
Hoping to have a life of happiness
But all I see is misery
I thought I was someone
I thought I could be the one
Now I finally see that all that was in my dreams
I'm better off alone better off dead
Hating how all this shit goes to my head
Happiness is a forgiven thought that's only in my head
Only in my dreams
Thought love was perfect but in the end
It's just disappointment
Breaking hearts breaking thoughts
Turning more and more black every second of the day
Dimmer and dimmer i draw throughout the day
Trapped in the darkness
Screaming and crawling my way out
No end in sight no way out

Feeling so lost
Feeling so dead
Falling apart as the days come to pass
Trying to make it through the day feels like thousands of knives tearing into my unfortunate soul
Life is so empty
Thoughts of dark temptation race threw the demented mind of the lost
For i am lost and my soul is drained of all life
I am all alone to walk this agonizing path
All alone to drown in the unforgiven sea of anguish and distraught
The end of all times is in the forseen future as i lay slowly dying from all this
Drowning in the despair of tears
Trying to come up for air
Yet no surface to reach
Sadness has been the only thing keeping the light going
Yet the light just keeps dimming
Rather see death than another day go by to sit in agony and grief